got to..

a full 14 days off for the chinese new year..

got to see my parents and saw that they need more attention that what i am giving them now..
got to see my friends and saw that each has a story behind their individual lives all not willing to tell and face during this period..
got to see my relatives and felt a bit annoyed that they will poke and poke..
got to see my hometown and found that it seems to be a bit distant..
got to see a friend who remains a what if..

got to feel nostalgia, some good some not..
got to feel sad that this celebration has ended..
got to feel troubled as the road lies uncertain ahead..
got to feel helpless and wishing there you were..
got to feel empty and wish it could be filled..

got to be brave and face the journey ahead..
got to be happy that things are not as dire as seemed..
got to be proactive and find that special person..
got to be ambitious and move ahead in life..

just got to..

a while..

it has been a while since the last post.. lots have happened and the general consensus is, things have not been great.. a lot of changes in the last few months that i need some time out to actually soak it all in.. tired..

hopefully this forthcoming break will do some wonders.. just a bit tired out..

你在我在

人生好奇怪。 。時好時壞，有起有落。 。很難去猜它的意義。 。

最近，工作上壓力變大。 。一進辦公室就開始緊張。 。那新上任的上司就把我搞的透不過氣來。 。組管也被他搞得騰騰轉。 。所以，也能在這樣的壓力中度過。 。

在私生活中，愛情。 。空白。 。我的他，你在哪裡？ ？

家裡的部分，那個不知道要講啥。 。也不太想跟父母多講，因為怕他們會逼我結婚。 。真的不想面對那個。 。

事業，看不清楚。 。

這種沒方向的感覺不好受。 。

要為知己找那個出路。 。

i don't..

i don't ask because i don't want to intrude on your privacy.. i do care and i do want to know how things are.. but since you are not forthcoming about your situation, i just don't want to appear too busybody..

i don't say encouraging things because i don't know what to say.. sometimes i think humor is the best way to tell you that i do care, but i don't know if you feel that way too.. behind the humor is my true intention.. that i actually want to tell you that if you need me, i am there..

i don't want to appear i care so i act nonchalant.. actually i don't know what is the definition of our relationship.. that is why i act all goofy.. perhaps i am reading too much into something that is not..

i don't feel grounded because i became dependent.. and when things change, i went out of sorts..

i don't know what is going on..
i don't feel fine..
i don't want to deal with this..
i don't.. just i don't..

work and more work..

of late, work is piling up.. suddenly, a lot of things are thrown at me and i don't know if that is on purpose..

 

i have been feeling a bit depressed.. not really due to work pressures, but rather outside of work.. or rather, what is lack of outside of work..

 

things are moving to unfamiliar territories, and in some way i am a bit frightened.. work is evolving into something that involves a lot of things that i am trying to cope..

 

then there is this other thing.. something i put effort into but i feel slipping away from me.. i think this bothers me the most, and it effects my performance.. i feel moody each day if i go without.. and i don't know if i'll be able to snap out of it.. i know it is not a good thing to try to hold on, but i guess that is beyond what i can control.. i do turn to prayer sometimes, but i don't know if these are the things prayers can sort out..

 

i think generally it is life, on how it suddenly gives you that pressure that you try to ignore.. life sneaking up on you.. been feeling like this for a while and written countless times about it..

 

just taking a break from work to jot down some sudden feelings.. just tired out, i guess..

 

i miss.. really miss..

放下..

「無論對於什麼樣困難的事情都要去面對、去接受, 去處理，然後把它放下」~~ 林青霞

here you come again..

it is fathers' day today.. it sort of ties in with the movie, Patrik aged 1,5..



actually i don't know how to feel on this day too.. and on mothers' day.. the truth is that these days just remind you that there is a distance that is slowly growing bigger..

when that day comes, i guess..